Introduction: Poached Eggs and Progress
We are more than one thing. Most certainly this is true. I’ve fallen in love more and more over years with different parts of me. I love being a mom, a business owner, a dog owner, and a collector of strange chicken decorations to adorn my kitchen.
Here, in this Blog, I wish to braid together three very important parts of me. Parts that I love more or less than others, yes, but important parts none the less.
I am a therapist. I love my job. There are so few jobs out there that demand that you continuously grow as a human being, challenge your shit, be radically honest and necessitate that you care deeply for yourself. Not only do I learn about me, but I am consistently and consistently learning about the human condition and the golden threads that weave under each and every life regardless of circumstance or experience.
I am also a trauma survivor. I came from a home with a lot of emotional and physical neglect, occasional physical abuse and lived with a mother who struggled with alcohol and prescription drug addiction. A note to my family who read this: you may disagree with my words, you may even wish to challenge my experience. Fine. I write from what I know and I write with as much authenticity as I can muster. And all at the same time, what I write may be difficult to read and I hope you can make space for that difficulty within you.
Because of my life living in trauma my body has been through the ringer. The first time I was tested for arthritis I was probably 10. The first time I experienced a hemipeligeic migraine, I was 12. I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), fibromyalgia, breast tumours, candida overgrowth, brain lesions, leaky gut syndrome, chronic ovarian cysts, uterine prolapse, and recently I’ve been prone to full body paralysis and have tremors. I have a history of concussions and whip lash. I have had several broken bones and have a history of severe migraines. I had two surgeries by the time I was 18. It’s not super, but this body is mine and it is what carries my trauma, has carried my babies and is carrying me through.
My education in trauma training and my lived experienced have dovetailed so nicely together as I work on progress. I have been working to heal my mind, my spirit, my psyche for the last 12 or so years and have been actively working to get the trauma out of my body and bring my body to greater health for the last 6 years.
And, dudes, I’m killing it (which I will write about in future).
Bodies hold on to trauma because minds have other things to do. My mind was busy learning, adapting, surviving. My body held on to all the garbage that was happening to it and then as years went by, it kind of stopped.
Fibriomyaglgia in particular, is very linked to childhood trauma. Most people with fibromyalgia report difficult childhoods. To me, this is amazing. A gift. Something truly miraculous. (Don’t get me wrong, it has sucked hugely in moments, for months, and for years, but on the whole I am grateful that my body held what I could not).
In Poached Eggs and Progress I will write about how these these pieces of me braid together. Sometimes I will focus more on one aspect than another. My hope and my goal is two fold: to give me a forum to continue to move through and process my stuff AND to be helpful if at all possible to others who might have or be experiencing something similar.
If Poached Eggs sounds strange, know that there were very few adults who were sources of support and resilience as I grew up. My siblings and I often lament that without our Grandfather, we, collectively, would be dead or addicts. I am beyond thankful for his presence in my life, because his presence gave me life. I have written another Blog post on poached eggs that will explain further.
