Oh, Daughter

Only 3 short weeks away from my due date with my daughter I understand my trepidation.

I’ve been saying for months ‘I don’t know how to raise a daughter, because I have only raised a son.’ No, my darling dearest. That isn’t it.

When my son came along I made promises to him, promises to myself and promises to the universe that I would be a better parent than my mother. I wrote letters and made lists of how exactly that would be. Eight years ago I committed to be a good parent to my child.

I have been floating above my worry and have just now settled into the cause.

This. This is different. I will raise as a daughter as a daughter without a mother.

I will raise a daughter with the same promises that I promised my son, but with new depths to the heartbreak for the little girl that resides inside of me.

I will raise a daughter as a daughter, who has no mother. And it will hurt my heart over and over again.

I will raise a daughter as a daughter, who has no mother. And I will do so with the courage to face my broken heart as many times as necessary to heal it.

I will raise a daughter with all the patience and care that my own mother could not muster.